[Guest]

I'm actually a student wanting to hear teachers' opinions on my concern.

I really love playing the piano. I have played since I was little, as a hobby (and a passion for sure), and I never stopped playing, so as a young adult, my hands can do pretty much everything on the piano, but I lack the common musical sense that well-trained students who have always been on the professional path have. I do hear the music in my heart as the greatest masters make them sound, as i have a wall of records, and I love to lose myself (or found, either way) in the great music, but a lot of times what I hear in my heart does not reflect onto the keyboard under my fingertips. My playing is simply boring and even awkward a lot of times (of course not entirely. Thank God...)

I did get to study with a teacher from a top conservatory not long ago. I cherish the opportunity a LOT, more than I could ever express, but I always feel that I'm not a conservatory stud and have tons of problems, some might be very basic and stupid, compared with his other students. Though I am playing some difficult pieces a conservatory stud would play, I still feel this immense lack of confidence. I even feel a little embarrassed walking on the hallway of the conservatory. It's my dream place to be, but it does feel like JUST a dream to me. Yet I want to belong there. I want to eventually get to a top conservatory though I don't know when, maybe in 2 years, or maybe 5, then I'd be quite old (for being a student). anyway...

My teacher is extremely patient, very effective at teaching, and himself an excellent performer, too. He could work on little details with me for a long time, maybe an hour to go over 2 pages (our of 50) of music, or 10 minutes on a phrase... and I perfectly love the way he teaches me. He's the best teacher I've ever had since I was little. The things he taught me have opened a whole new world of music for me. It seems like he can always zoom in the music indefinitely. Just as I get a little bored from practicing, boom, they next week, I'm zoomed into another scale and I find all these interesting things I've missed. Those little details appeal to me like magic or as the moment upon a little girl hearing a beautiful fairy tale for the first time. Yet I know those magic I found must be the "default" things in a professional-path student's playing. I wish I have been studying with him since I was little! and now the more I learn, the farther I feel I'm behind everyone else. I could live with it if I were to play for my own pleasure, but I do have a dream to attend a top conservatory one day.

The thing is... the more I appreciate his teaching, the more I'm afraid to frustrate this teacher. As I said, we ususally just work on one piece a time, actually a few pages of a long piece a time. I really like it this way because the things we work on are always NEW, but I'm afraid he will be tired of it soon. His patience is just unbelievably good so far, and as sometimes I feel so bad for him having to tell me how to handle every detail due to my lack of common sense and good habit, he would actually thank me for my patience and ask me to forgive him to be so detailed. Of course I say that's what I want and need, but as a very introverted person, I think I haven't let him know exactly how much I appreciate his teaching. I'm very concerned that he might actually feel desperate or hopeless hearing me play cos of the so many things he has to correct, though he seems extremely kind and patient. I don't know. I might just be thinking too much and have my self-esteem set too low (I know I can WOW the amateurs but that I don't care since I wanna be a professional).

Sorry about writing so much and thanks to everyone who has read thus far. and I know, I didn't really make a point, nor did I express clearly what I was concerned with - a lot of things on my mind. Any advice or comment is appreciated from a teacher's point of view! Thanks!!!!!!!!

[Gill the Piano]

Tell your teacher how you feel; but I think that a true born teacher (as opposed to someone who teaches for the money alone, or who is a frustrated performer) will not mind who s/he teaches as long as the pupil truly wants to learn. And it sounds to me as though you do!
I don't teach, as I haven't the patience, but there are several teachers who drop in here with sound advice who will be able to help you - if you need help! I think you are simply overcritical and unconfident, both of which a competent teacher should be able to help you to overcome.

[Descombes]

As a teacher, my advice to William is simple. Your carefully-expressed thoughts make it very obvious that you have a deep feeling for music and that you really enjoy playing the piano and expanding your limits. Judging from what you have written, your teacher will have realised this too. You are one of a small minority who feel this deeply about the piano and I am sure that your teacher feels that you have no need to apologise for anything; in fact, I would guess that he is delighted by your approach.
Learning to play the piano to the standard you are aiming for is a slow process. Take things step by step and you will reach the level you are hoping for. Most of my students are between 13 and 18, but when I teach adults, their commitment is often astonishing; you obviously come into this category. Your technique and musicianship will come from a wide variety of musical activities and not just playing the piano. Listening, singing and possibly playing another instrument will all give you the experience and the stylistic knowledge which a good pianist needs.
A pianist does not stop developing and learning. Sometimes, when I demonstrate a piece to a student, he or she might ask how long it took me to be able to play like that. The answer, which sometimes surprises me, since I don't consider myself to be ancient, is nearly 50 years!

[markymark]

You obviously have a great love of music and the instrument you play. I think that it is commendable that you are developing, not only as a performer, but also as a listener. So many musicians can wade through a piece of music but never really engage with the emotional element attached to or built into the music. Listening to other performances of the music you study will also inspire your current view and interpretation of the way in which you have been practising. Many people feel like they are cheating when they do this but, provided they do not replicate or copy the performance from other people, they can take on board elements of the performer’s interpretation.

Creative people are their own worst critics be they musicians, artists, novelists, actors or singers – they inevitably will evaluate themselves on what they want to be and not at the stage they are at now. It is absolutely true that a pianist never really stops learning but I would extend that to any of the creative arts we have today, from classical to contemporary styles – they are all the same! I think, when you stop learning, you stop getting better and that is a sad place at which to arrive. It goes without saying then, that you will by no means ever stop perfecting a piece of music; Descombes has very accurately made that point for you already.

Just from reading your post, you sound like someone who has an acute sensitivity and respect for music, but also one with a maladie called perfectionism. Of course, we all want to be the best we can be and I am not discouraging you from doing so. But moving back to what I said about creative artists earlier, the abstractness of art as a general term, make it an area for a lot of debate and commentary, both negative and positive from the people who witness it in action. You only have to read reviews for the West End and then see how diverse opinions can be. One week, an actor is top of the ratings; next show, totally written off!

You see, music is absolutely a heart issue. You can not express in words what you are feeling; you can not take a logical view to art. Many of the writers from the Romantic period would have believed that real emotionally (and intellectual to an extent) engaging material came from contact with a spirit realm or Heaven – many of them took opium to reach that state of ecstasy. Whatever way you choose to define it, this emotion is intangible by logic but only grasped in the heart. Our task as artists is to let it out and that it where you seem to be so far and probably will continue to be for as long as you pursue music. Every musician’s interpretation of great works of music can be very different and very similar, yet not really ever exactly the same – that is what makes it so special. Let it stay special for you and don’t let it frustrate you or discourage you. Don’t be too quick to assume what a conservatory-student will automatically be able to do or will not be able to do! In conservatories, you will find the prodigies and the seemingly supernaturally gifted – their learning curves will be different to yours. Many prodigies I have to say, have an inherent ability to perform at a high level but can not really explain why they are playing the way they are – you seem to have the upper hand in that respect. Again, that is a sweeping generalisation, but a fairly accurate one I feel.

Your teacher seems to be very skilful and has succeeded in steering you through your music education so far. I think that it is important for you to tell him how you are feeling. He seems to be trying to polish you up and get you to draw attention to small details in the music. Again, if he is a good teacher, he will not merely be nit-picking and criticising your ‘short-comings’ as you see it, but will be encouraging you how to look out for these stylistic oddities that may be relevant to the style of piece, the time at which it was written or maybe even to the composer him/herself. If you can see patterns in music, this will also help you to encounter pieces with similar styles. This is why repertoire is so important to musical development and maturity. You are building up a bank of experiences and stylistic discoveries from which you will draw later.

The bottom line then? If you were to spend from now until Christmas with one piece, you will probably never completely satisfy every musical expert out there if they were to listen to your final performance. Music is too personal a matter to people-please so you have to stay sincere to what you are playing and the way in which you are playing. The truth of the matter is that you're probably 'threatening' other aspiring conservatory students in the same way it is happening to you. It's simply that creative insecurity I was talking about earlier.

[honeyfunk]

firstly, let's get one big thing out the way, in music, you never stop being a student... even the greats never stop discovering, any musician who says they know it all is a bad musician... so you can never be too old to be a student...

i think i know what your problem is, you seem to be playing for other people, rather than yourself... and that has taken away your enjoyment... you really must just sit there and play, a mistake is a mistake, never stop, appreciate your mistake, it took the music in a direction its never been before... stevie wonder once said my greatest music came from mistakes... just play, dont analyse... simply play the best you can play, dont compare, you are the greatest player at doing what you do.... you need to stop listening to the music and simply hear the music for what it is... i''ve been playing for many, many years and got to a stage where i couldnt even play because i was analysing every note in detail... it was only when i let go, simply went with the flow of the music, stopped listening and merely enjoyed hearing it for what it was i found enjoyment again... you will too